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The Christian family
Although the Christian family starts when the
Holy Spirit unites the bride and the groom as one with God, it will not be
successful without a constant commitment by the couple to be "one in love,
self-giving, sacrifice, harmony, one thought, one feeling and one will".
Setting the right foundation from the beginning will help the couple to build
a godly family.
It is also essential to remember that having
children is a beautiful gift from God. In order for them to grow as an image
of Christ, we need to provide a Christian home for them.
What is the Christian family?
One that prays for their children's safety. For
them to be surrounded by good and kind people and for them to have a good
sense of judgment.
One that prays with their children at mealtime,
when leaving the home, and at nighttime.
One that asks God how to have a positive
conversation with them.
One that remembers that a Christian family is a
small, lively, active church.
One that has a regular attendance of their
children at church, communion table, and Sunday school.
One that provides a calm and loving atmosphere.
One that owns an icon, cross, liturgical music
and Holy Bible.
One that blesses God when an everyday task is
accomplished.
One that makes an effort to spend more time with
their children playing games, reading, watching a movie, and praying together.
One that is an example for them when someone is
in need by donating items that they do not use any more, buying them
something, or making them gifts.
One that is an example for their children. For
example, when someone is sick they cook for him, go visit him, pray for him to
get well, etc...
One that listens to their children's questions,
doubts, criticisms, and point of view.
One that shows interest in what their children
do in schoolwork and sports, and knows who their children are friends with.
One that creates an atmosphere of thankfulness
by modeling a thankful attitude.
One who plans a budget according to their family
needs to prevent fights and arguments.
One that remembers that no one learns anything
through teaching alone. Your children are watching how you handle everyday
situations; what is your relationship with your spouse, others, and your
children in tough time and in good times. Modeling is another way to teach the
children and remember you do not have to be perfect because God's grace is
bigger than your failures. Simply admit your mistakes and let them see you ask
God to forgive you and help you to grow from it.
One that enforces rules in the house, which the
parents agree on to keep the house peaceful. They also need to discipline the
children if these rules are not obeyed.
One who, when a problem arises, uses the
situation to instill good character in their children.
One that teaches their children obedience as
part of life.
Certain Subjects for Discussion
Discipline in the Christian Family
Our homes will be far more pleasant if love, kindness, and discipline
go hand in hand. We must enjoy our children but we also, as parents, have a
duty to care about our children enough to discipline them.
One of the functions of discipline is to train
the child to accomplish a certain task or to adopt a particular pattern, such
as:
Respect the property of others
Listen when being spoken to
Follow the house rules such as
Washing their hands before meals
Putting away toys and things after using them
Taking care of their assigned responsibilities
Being courteous and helpful to others
Walking and talking in gentleness
Now the Question is how to apply these
rules?
First you need to decide as a couple on which rules are essential and
which are less important. If there are no set rules, too many rules or
unnecessary rules, it can lead to frustration and disobedience, making the
rules easily disregarded. One example of a good rule to have in your household
is: it is important to be honest because people will trust and respect you and
God will reward you. As you can see, the rule is well defined and has an
important purpose.
Therefore, when deciding on the rules, make sure
they are:
Dealing with Punishment
Dealing with situations and disobedience by spanking will only teach the
child to lie or blame it on someone else, making the child will feel angry and
resentful towards his parents. There are others ways to discipline your
children instead of spanking.
A warning can be more than enough for most
children.
When your child has not listened to repeated
requests to behave, get down on the child's level, make eye contact, touch him
gently, and with a kind and firm voice tell him what it is that you want him
to do.
Always explain to the child what he did wrong,
what is expected of him and give him a time out to allow him a chance to think
about what he did wrong.
When a situation arises that makes you stressed
and angry, take time out to calm down before you react (go for a walk, listen
to music, discuss the situation with your spouse or pray). This will help you
evaluate alternatives to find a solution and prevent you from over reacting.
Giving your child choices can help him work out
the problem (ex. If the child is playing with his food at dinnertime instead
of eating, give him a choice; "would you like to eat your food or would you
like to leave the table." If the child continues to play with his food, you
can help him gently to leave and ask him to come back when his ready to eat.)
Consequences that relate to the situation can
help teach responsibility (ex. A child who breaks a house possession, he can
do extra help around the house.)
When the child talks to his parent in a
disrespectful manner, calmly say, "I will be in the other room. When you are
ready to talk with more manners, I will be ready to listen."
When you are planning to take your family out to
the stores or to a friend's house, it is a good idea to prepare your children
by telling them where they are going and what is expected of them.
If the child has done something wrong and is old
enough to understand, it is a good time to teach him about confession.
What is Obedience?
It is cooperating with the rules that govern our lives, our society, and our
family. It is also the skill of learning that things operate in certain way
(traffic laws, school rules, work policies, etc...) and then disciplining
ourselves according to them.
When children ask why they have to obey? Don't
say, "Because I said so." Instead you can say:
God asks us to obey him and his commandments.
God asks us to obey our parents so we can learn
from them.
It teaches us to get along with others and learn
how to be good people.
Freedom requires rules.
Being a Christian family does not mean we
deprive our children from having fun or a social life. Children need to
experience different situations like going to the zoo, having their friends
come over, going to other families' houses, and going to youth camp.
Teaching Independence
It is our duty to raise children that are equipped to be responsible and
independent. That is why teaching independence at a young age is a must. There
are different ways to teach a child independence, such as:
Allowing our children to do small tasks
independently according to his/her age will teach him responsibility and
cooperation with others. For example:
Teach the child how to dress himself by showing
him several times and guiding him through it, than let him practice it through
repetition until he perfects and masters it
Encourage the child to help by giving him the
responsibility of collecting his toys or placing the dishes on the table at
mealtime
The child will learn from watching his parents,
so be a good role model and cooperate with each other at home for the benefit
of the children.
Allow freedom within limits. For example:
Parents decide on what TV shows are proper for
the child and give him a choice to select a couple of them.
Always be aware of your child's peers and
friends by
Inviting them to visit and observing how they
conduct themselves
Asking questions about them and their family
Listening to what your child is learning from
the
Also teach your children about how to choose a
friend by
Reading stories to him about the subject
Telling him a story about when you were young
Telling him your opinion about the subject
Giving him a good foundation at home and church,
which will help him to choose friends wisely.
Coaching the child through situations helps him
to develop problem-solving skills, for example:
Church Attendance
It is important at young age to grow closer to God and know God's love.
Therefore, the church should be a big part of the child's life, for he can:
Learn more about who God is
Develop strong faith
Grow in friendship with Christian peers
Have a place to go for support when facing tough
situations
Find a community who loves and accepts him
Parents should be consistent about attending
church and teaching their children that church and God should be first in
their lives. Also, having both regular attendance in Sunday school and
following up at home on what the children learned will lay the essential
foundation of the knowledge of God and prepare them for life ahead.
How to Plan Your Budget
Dealing with money is one of the biggest problems since often the couple
cannot agree on where money should be spent and this results in argument. One
of the effective ways to prevent this is to plan your budget according to your
salary by arranging a monthly budget. For example, decide how much money will
go towards things such as:
Children's clothing, activities, and other needs
Grocery
Household needs (furniture, maintenance, etc...)
The husband and wife's clothing and other needs
Traveling
Bills
To avoid arguments about budget, each partner
can be in charge of different categories. Nevertheless, both spouses should
agree upon big purchases. By giving both the responsibility of preparing part
of the budget, they will have an opportunity:
To be aware of the budget
To be aware of their spending
Give them an idea of how to manage the budget
Give the wife some freedom (instead of asking
permission all the time)
Help the Husband to know what to expect at the
end of the month
During the holiday months, such as Christmas and
Easter, they should increase their budget to accommodate the spending. That
way they reduce the amount of discussion by planning and budgeting.
Finally, we should encourage our children from a
young age to feel they can discuss and comfortably say anything at home, such
as questions, doubts, and their point of view. Otherwise, they will stop
telling us their thoughts and their problems. For example:
A child who has no boundaries and eats out of
control anything and everything that pleases him will likely grow up with
obesity and other problems. On the other hand, the child who is taught to eat
only when he is hungry and learns good eating habits will likely grow up
healthy and learn to take care of his body.
If we raise children who ...
Love God and have a spiritual foundation.
Grow up in a good home with love and
understanding
Learn to pray and to have a relationship with
Christ
...they will likely grow up to be healthy,
happy, godly adults and will better serve our future generations.
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