How Does God View Modern Dating?
and
What Does the Bible Say About Young People Finding a Spouse?

 

The subject of Dating can be a real touchy subject among Christians of all ages. None the less it's our responsibility as Believers to KNOW what God's Word tells us about this subject matter. Not only should we know what the Scripture says about relationships between men and women, but we should also practice what the Bible teaches. I find it interesting that churches spend so much time on so many issues, but few are teaching CLEAR Biblical principles about how a young man and young woman should act toward one another. The guys will love this next verse:

Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD."

I think I'm hearing some LOUD AMENS from the young men at this point. Guys, listen up here. Right off the bat, let's understand one thing, God never ever tells men to seek after a girl friend that you can use and abuse. God hates it when His children take advantage of others in society and this includes young men taking advantage of young women in dating situation (whether physical abuse or emotional abuse). The Bible ONLY endorses relationships with young men and women that lead to long term commitment and eventually to marriage. If you don't believe this then START reading God' Word and see for yourself.
We CANNOT find in the Bible teachings that endorse the kind of recreational dating that the world practices today.
Let me define "Recreational Dating"!

This would be dating where both individuals have no interest in a long term commitment.
This would be dating that simply has "fleshly pleasures" in mind.
This is dating with absolutely no interest in marriage.
Recreational Dating in the world today usually has the satisfying of emotional and physical desires in mind.

There are certainly many more descriptions of Recreational Dating, but the descriptions that have been given amply describe the problem of Christians being involved in this kind of dating practice.
Some have said, "because the Bible says nothing about dating or little about how a young man and a young woman should find a spouse, we have no clear commandments on this subject." I disagree with this conclusion and let me show you why!

First of all, God has plenty to say when you want to hear WHAT He has to say about any given subject. Let's begin to search God's word for God's teachings on man-woman relationships.
First, let's understand that a Christian young man or woman should only interest themselves in a relationship with another Christian (a true - proven believer).
 

Deut. 7:3 "Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son. 4 "For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods; so the anger of the LORD will be aroused against you and destroy you suddenly.
 

2Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

1Co 7:39 A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
 

It is unbiblical to date or court unbelievers if you are a Christian. As pastor, I could tell you of story after story of young people that where Christians and dated and eventually married unbelievers. Some have seen their spouse come to Christ, but many have suffered greatly with an unequally yoked marriage. If God says marrying an unbeliever is WRONG - SIN, then dating or courting and Unbeliever is Sinful. Just Don't do it! Keep your interest within the household of God.
Not only does God want believers to pursue relationships with other believers, but He also has much to say about that relationship Before and After Marriage. Obviously, we'll be focusing our attention on the "Before Marriage" concerns.
We've already seen from God's word that God commands believers to marry believers, so all potential relationships need to start with Christians. Now let's look at God's design for man and woman.
 

Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

Matthew 19:5 "and said, `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? 6 "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
 

God's word is not Fuzzy is it? Two become one! End of discussion! So if you are one part of the equation you only need to find ONE more to complete God's equation for a Biblical Marriage. The problem with our modern dating system today is that it encourages young people to be with many people, whom you could develop a godly "FRIENDSHIP", with hopes and Intentions of a long term commitment leading to marriage.

Wow! I know this sounds extremely radical in comparison to what the World is practicing, but since when has God called His children to practice what the world practices? Believers should not take on the practices and the philosophies of the World. We should take on Biblical principles and OBEY God's commands. You will not be able to go to the Bible and find any evidence that supports the modern dating system of "shopping around type of relationships" (involving, emotional bonds, physical bonds and mental intimacy) till you find the perfect person. God's word certainly tells us to look for one godly mate. Christians should spend more time patiently looking and developing friendships that do not involve emotional commitments UNTIL a young man and a young woman are prepared and able to COMMIT to Marriage. Some may be thinking, "I don't believe that!". You'll have to prove it wrong and stay in harmony with God's teachings in the Bible. Go ahead, Search the Word and discover for yourself.

Another problem with the World's Dating techniques is that they encourage breaking off commitments. That's right! People date. They get emotionally and physically involved (though Christians should not) and then something comes up that bothers one or both people involved and they "break of the relationship". This type of attitude in relationships has certainly impacted the divorce rate in society. During the dating game, we can develop an attitude that says, "If it doesn't work out, I'll just find someone else." This is not God's plan. God does not want you to commit to relationships unless you intend to keep the vow.
 

Numbers 30:2 "If a man makes a vow to the LORD, or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth."

Matthew 5:37 "But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one."

Colossians 3:9 Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds.

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Now honestly, how many people during dating situations promise love and affection to someone, only to break their promise? This is sin before God! Young people need to watch from a distance when looking for a spouse. Remember, God NEVER encourages us to merely look for a girl friend or boy friend to date for some uncommitted period of time. This is why you must be patient! You must look from a distance to determine if the person is truly a Christian and truly desiring to live for God. If they don't have a heart for God, why in the world would you even think to develop a relationship with them?

Now hold onto you hats concerning what I'm about to say. If you have believing parents, it's really important to get their input concerning a possible spouse! GULP! You mean, Mom and Dad giving advice? Yes! Why not. I'm not saying they're going to pick out your husband or wife (although in some cases that may work just fine), but they have years of wisdom of knowing what you are like and they may just discern a good quality or a poor quality in someone that you should be aware of. Please keep reading, because there's more to discuss from God's word about finding a spouse.

So far we've learned that any relationship pursued should:

• Be with another Christian.

• Be for the purpose of pursuing marriage with that one person.

• Be honoring God in every detail.

Now let's continue learning what God wants us to know about relationships between young men and young women. The Modern dating system for Christians has a number of worldly traps. One of those snares is physical involvement before marriage. Read the following:

1Corinthians 7:9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1Corinthians 7:1 "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman."

Ephesians 5:3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints;

1Corinthians 6:18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.

2Timothy, 2:22 Flee also youthful lusts;

 

Any questions? Some may be unhappy at this point, but your obedience to God is more important than worldly pleasures. The fact is, you're only hurting yourself, someone else and your relationship with God when you date "The World's Way."

It's all right to be friendly in a godly way with other young people. You just need to be careful not to cross biblical lines that God Clearly draws for us.

• Don't get physical! (In any sexual way - that's saved until marriage.)

• Don't develop Emotional attachments without marriage commitments (you intend to Keep)

• Don't make promises you don't intend on keeping!

• Don't get involved with Unbelievers or believers not walking with God.

• Do wait to start a One person relationship with a person you KNOW you could marry.

• Do watch from a distance! Look for proven godly character. Too many can put on a good "show".

• Do seek your parent's input.

• Do honor God every step of the way in any relationship!